Mamah

Halo semuanya! It’s been almost one year since my last post. Kalau tahun lalu gue masih dealing sama urusan lokasi penelitian skripsi, sebentar lagi insya Allah gue akan melaksanakan sidang skripsi *YEAY!* seluruh persiapan Alhamdulillah sudah matang, draft, presentasi, semua udah oke. Cuma, penguji gue Prof. Zainal sibuk banget, tapi kemarin udah acc beliau untuk tanggalnya. Jadi, ditunggu aja ya tanggal mainnya :P

Anyway, kalau kalian baca judul post gue yang kali ini, iya gue mau cerita soal “Ibu” atau yang gue pribadi menyebut nyokap dengan panggilan “Mamah”. Kenapa sih gue pengen bahas soal ini? Lanjutin aja ya bacanya sampai selesai hehehehe. Kebetulan juga, kali ini gue lagi pengen santai, jadi ngga formal ngga apa-apa ya.

Sebelumnya, gue yakin seluruh orang di muka bumi ini, punya sosok seorang Ibu. Entah mereka mengagumi Ibunya atau tidak, tapi pasti, mereka punya Ibu. Nggak sedikit juga dari banyaknya orang yang bahkan belum pernah bertemu dengan Ibu nya, entah karena Ibu nya meninggal ketika melahirkan, atau “meninggalkan anaknya” karena alasan yang lain.

Alhamdulillah, sampai di usia 22 tahun ini, gue dapat bertemu dengan nyokap gue setiap hari. Dulu waktu kecil, gue sering kesal dan nggak suka sama nyokap, karena terkesan terlalu mengekang dan memberi banyak aturan. Tapi ya namanya anak kecil, ketika gue nggak suka sama nyokap, yang gue lakukan hanya bisa menangis. Dulu di mata gue, nyokap gue itu galak banget. Dikit-dikit  marah, dikit-dikit nyentil. Gue sering merasa “selalu salah” di depan nyokap. Pokoknya dulu semasa sekolah, gue sering kesal sama nyokap.

Tapi semakin gue bertambah usia, gue semakin mengerti, bahwa apa yang nyokap lakukan, ternyata semata demi kebaikan gue. Dari SD sampai SMA kelas 1, handphone gue sering disita nyokap karena dianggap merusak konsentrasi belajar. Gue kesal banget saat itu, gue ngadu ke guru, gue nangis. Gue merasa kayak dikekang (kalo diinget-inget alay banget ya?). Tapi ternyata apa yang nyokap lakukan membuahkan hasil, gue bisa punya prestasi di sekolah. Itu semua nggak lepas dari campur tangan nyokap dalam mendidik gue.

Beberapa tahun terakhir, khususnya saat mulai kuliah, intensitas komunikasi antara gue dan nyokap semakin meningkat. Gue semakin merasa “butuh” untuk ngobrol sama nyokap terutama saat sepulang kuliah, segala penat yang gue rasakan kayanya bisa lepas hanya dengan ngobrol sama nyokap. Semakin lama, ada sesuatu yang nggak gue sadari, rasa ketidaksukaan gue ke nyokap semakin berganti menjadi rasa kagum. Setiap gue ngobrol, bertukar pikiran, atau curhat, gue sering kali cuma bisa senyum melihat betapa tangguhnya wanita di depan gue ini. Sampai akhirnya, gue menjadikan nyokap sebagai role model gue.

Semakin ke sini, perbincangan hangat antara gue dan nyokap semakin menjadi candu. Gue dan nyokap menjadi semakin lebih luwes untuk berbincang tentang satu sama lain. Kami berdua sering kali menghabiskan waktu berjam-jam hanya untuk bicara tentang apa saja, yang paling sering, jadi telat tidur karena terlalu seru membahas ini itu, bisa sampai jam 1 atau 2 pagi sambil ngopi dan ngemil berdua di ruang keluarga.

Gue juga pernah jadi telat berangkat ke kampus karena saat sarapan gue ngobrol dulu sama nyokap, atau nyokap yang terlambat berangkat karena mau cerita-cerita dulu. Tapi ternyata, sekarang secara perlahan gue mulai sadar, bahwa di balik setiap detik yang terlambat, ada sebuah ikatan yang terjalin semakin erat. Hubungan gue dan nyokap semakin lama semakin dekat, bahkan mungkin jauh lebih dekat ketimbang saat gue masih kecil dulu.

Mungkin gue belum sempat bilang ke nyokap, tapi gue udah berjanji ke diri gue sendiri, bahwa gue ingin membuat nyokap bahagia.

If only you read this, I love you so much Mamah.

March, 10th 2018
Warmest regards,



-Azmeirina-

Aqua & Vanilla

What happened between us,
will always be something to be kept.
To be learned as a lesson, and to be exactly remembered.
That we've done something good together.
Even the worst ones taught us,
about the better version,
of you, of me, of the world.
For one month short or long,
I've finally realized the truth.
We are walking on a different path now,
for our own reasons,
for our own happiness.
So there were you and me.
No more us.
No more Aqua and Vanilla.



March, 28th 2017



-Azmeirina-

What if?

I think we should live separately from each other,

Move so far away until the shadows are gone,

Forget all the laughter above the pillow,

Washout all the kisses below the blanket,

Leave all those pretty things behind,

And then we off to go,

To a place we say goodbye.

But I have questions to be answered,

What if we would never meet again?

Or, what if our path would cross again?

Would we tie the knot and share the breath till the death?

February, 23rd 2017

-Azmeirina-

Happiness comes from Within.

Hi guys welcome back to my personal blog! This is me Aisya, dan sekarang gue ingin berbagi sedikit tulisan tentang arti kata "bahagia". Mungkin teman-teman bisa mencari secara harfiah arti kata bahagia, tapi pernah gak kalian realize sesungguhnya kapan sih kita merasa bahagia?

Gue pribadi merasa bahagia ketika gue merasa bersyukur dengan apa yang gue miliki saat ini. Merasa bersyukur dan tidak mengeluh adalah kunci dari bahagia untuk gue. Ketika gue merasa kurang dengan apa yang gue miliki saat ini, rasanya ingin mengeluh terus. Kesel, capek, malu, semua terus dirasakan. Tapi ketika gue merasa bersyukur biar hanya punya uang seribu rupiahpun, rasanya tetap bahagia. Gue masih bisa napas, gue masih bisa makan meskipun minta orangtua, gue masih bisa main hp, laptop, bahkan blogging seperti saat ini. Rasa bersyukur itu seharusnya ditanamkan untuk hal sekecil apapun, sesimpel apapun. Sesimpel mengucap syukur karena masih diberi kesempatan hidup dan beraktivitas sehingga bisa menjadi manusia yang lebih baik lagi.

Gue personally pernah menjadi orang yang kurang bersyukur, sehingga bawaannya iri dan murung dengan orang lain. Tapi saat ini, gue sedang mencoba menerapkan kebiasaan bersyukur pada diri gue sendiri. Klise memang kalau dibilang alasan untuk bersyukur adalah karena kita masih jauh lebih beruntung dibandingkan orang lain, tapi ada alasan lain yang membuat gue sedang melatih diri untuk tetap bersyukur. Alasannya simpel, agar gue selalu bisa bahagia. Dalam keadaan apapun.

Gue punya kebiasaan ketika merasa di "titik terendah", gue pergi ke suatu yayasan Tuna Netra yang ada di daereah Serpong. Setiap kali gue di perjalanan pulang dari sana, gue selalu merasa re-born, seperti terlahir kembali. Rasanya sangat-sangat bahagia. Hidup seperti tidak ada masalah sebelumnya, beban semua terangkat. Gue bahagia karena melihat para penghuni yayasan yang ternyata jauh lebih bahagia dari gue. Tidak lain dan tidak bukan karena mereka ternyata jauh lebih bersyukur daripada gue. Dalam keadaan mereka yang tidak dapat melihat, mereka tetap bisa beraktivitas seperti biasa, bahkan pancaran kebahagiaan mereka sangat terlihat jelas ketika mereka sedang tersenyum, atau tertawa. Hebatnya lagi, mereka tetap bisa menggunakan komputer, alat musik, bahkan sepeda. Mereka tidak menjadikan status "Tuna Netra" sebagai hambatan dalam menjalankan aktivitas. Dan yang paling membuat gue tidak berhenti berdecak kagum sampai saat ini adalah, mereka setiap harinya memproduksi 3 set Al-Qur'an Braille untuk dibagikan secara gratis kepada Tuna Netra lainnya di Indonesia. Subhanallah, Allahuakbar.

Setelah beberapa kali mengalami masalah ini itu, serta kesana-kemari untuk mencari solusi, gue bertemu satu titik di mana gue sangat yakin bahwa bahagia itu didapat bukan dari orang lain, tapi dari dalam diri kita sendiri. Mau punya rumah sebesar apapun, barang semewah apapun, uang sebanyak apapun, keluarga yang harmonis, bahkan pasangan yang rupawan sekalipun, kalau tidak bisa mensyukurinya maka bahagia tidak akan hadir dalam kehidupan. Perasaan kurang puas dalam segala aspek adalah wajar, itulah yang membuat manusia belajar dan mengejar sesuatu yang lebih baik, tidak lain dengan ekspektasi agar dirinya juga bisa menjadi lebih baik pula. Gue juga sering kali memiliki perasaan kurang puas terutama dalam hal materi pelajaran, rasanya menjelang ujian apa yang sudah gue pelajari masih aja terasa kurang, hingga akhirnya membuat gue untuk membuka buku dan membaca lagi materinya. Tetapi kurang puas bukan berarti tidak bersyukur, kan? :) 


Pada akhirnya, bagi gue saat ini, hal yang terpenting adalah, bahagia itu didapat dari adanya rasa puas dalam diri. Dan rasa puas dalam diri sendiri didapat karena merasa bersyukur dengan apa yang ada. Mungkin tulisan ini sangat biasa, mohon dimaklumi karena sudah disebutkan di description box blog gue kalau gue bukan penulis hihi. Gue hanya pembaca buku yang gemar menulis, tapi semoga setelah membaca tulisan ini teman-teman bisa menjadi lebih bahagia lagi dari sebelumnya!





January, 26th 2017
Warmest regards,



-Azmeirina-

Kepribadian Dependen

Halo teman-teman!

Sesuai dengan judul di atas, pada hari yang berbahagia ini gue akan mengulas sedikit tentang kepribadian dependen. Sebenarnya ada banyak jenis kepribadian, tapi yang kali ini ingin gue bahas adalah salah satu jenis kepribadian yang paling sering dijumpai. Ada yang salah gak sih dari seseorang yang dependen? Nah, sekarang kita bahas dulu yuk definisi dari kepribadian dependen.

Menurut Kamus Besar Bahasa Indonesia (KBBI), 

Kepribadian = Sifat hakiki yang tercermin pada sikap seseorang atau suatu bangsa yang membedakannya dari orang atau bangsa lain.

Dependen = Tergantung (terikat pada); tidak berdiri sendiri.

Jadi, kepribadian dependen adalah sifat bergantung kepada orang lain yang tercermin pada sikap seseorang.

Pribadi yang dependen bergantung kepada orang lain dalam berbagai macam hal, termasuk pengambilan keputusan. Keluarga serta pasangan biasanya menjadi "objek dependensi" atau tempat bergantung para pemilik kepribadian dependen. Segala keinginan yang bukan kebutuhan rasanya harus dipenuhi, sampai timbul rasa takut akan perpisahan yang berlebihan terhadap objek dependensi tersebut.

Gue pribadi juga pernah menjadikan seseorang menjadi objek dependensi, sehingga pada akhirnya gue menjadi bergantung (dependen) kepada orang lain. Dependensi tersebut lama-lama menimbulkan perasaan cemas akan kehilangan dan perpisahan, cemas karena sering kali gue berpikir, jika objek dependensi gue sudah tidak ada lagi, lalu bagaimana bisa gue survive tanpa "sandaran" lagi? Apakah gue tetap bisa menjalani kehidupan normal tanpa objek dependensi? Sampai suatu saat objek dependensi gue sudah tidak ada lagi, efeknya adalah penurunan keinginan dan motivasi untuk melakukan kegiatan. Lemas rasanya, saat itu gue berpikir bahwa kehilangan objek dependensi sama saja dengan kehilangan nyawa gue sendiri.

(Fyi, objek dependensi gue saat itu adalah abang gue, yang selalu mengantar gue kemanapun. Sampai saat abang gue menikah, dia sudah fokus dengan keluarga kecil yang dibangunnya. Sedangkan gue, pada akhirnya harus belajar memberanikan diri pergi kemanapun dengan transportasi umum sendirian.)

Setelah tau bagaimana efeknya, bagaimana gak enaknya menjadi pribadi yang dependen, akhirnya gue mencoba untuk mulai menghilangkan kebiasaan dependen gue. Awalnya gue takut untuk pergi kemana-mana sendirian, setiap pergi selalu merasa insecure. Tapi alhamdulillah sekarang gue bisa pergi kemanapun sendirian dengan perasaan yang lebih tenang.

Saat gue menyadari bahwa gue ternyata seseorang yang dependen, gue belum mengetahui kalau kepribadian dependen bisa berujung menjadi gangguan kejiwaan. Sampai akhirnya semester ini, gue mempelajari ilmu kejiwaan (psikiatri), lalu gue dihadapkan pada 1 kasus pasien dengan kepribadian dependensi. Awalnya gue agak kurang percaya, tapi setelah gue buka beberapa textbook atau buku ajar dan juga beberapa jurnal, ternyata memang benar. Kepribadian dependen bisa menjadi salah satu bentuk gangguan jiwa, jika memenuhi kriteria diagnosisnya. Hal ini tercantum dalam Pedoman Penggolongan dan Diagnosis Gangguan Jiwa (PPDGJ) di Indonesia edisi ke-3. Gak hanya di buku PPDGJ aja, tapi di literatur lain pun disebutkan, diantaranya dalam buku Sinopsis Psikiatri - Kaplan Sadock, Buku Ajar Psikiatri - FK UI, dan beberapa literatur lainnya. Hal ini menguatkan apa yang baru saja gue pelajari, bahwa menjadi dependen atau bergantung, ternyata berujung pada suatu gangguan jiwa.

Kriteria diagnosis Gangguan Kepribadian Dependen menurut PPDGJ ke -3 akan gue post by request bagi teman-teman yang ingin mengetahui penegakkan diagnosis GKD karena kalau ditulis di post ini nantinya akan terlalu panjang.

"Kepribadian dependen bisa menjadi salah satu bentuk gangguan jiwa, jika memenuhi kriteria diagnosisnya. Hal ini tercantum dalam Pedoman Penggolongan dan Diagnosis Gangguan Jiwa (PPDGJ) di Indonesia edisi ke-3" 

 Kalau menurut Buku Ajar Psikiatri FK UI Edisi 1 Tahun 2010,

"Gangguan Kepribadian Dependen = Suatu pola perilaku berupa kebutuhan berlebih agar dirinya dipelihara, yang menyebabkan seorang individu berperilaku submisif, bergantung kepada orang lain, dan ketakutan akan perpisahan dengan orang tempat ia bergantung."

Objek dependensi lain yang sering dijumpai dalam kehidupan sehari-hari adalah pasangan pribadi tentunya, ketika 2 orang menjalin sebuah hubungan, dalam satu waktu yang bersamaan timbul komitmen yang diiringi dengan dependensi. Yap, ketergantungan. Dependensi paling lumrah adalah atensi dan afeksi, atau perhatian dan kasih sayang. Banyak orang yang pada akhirnya menuntut frekuensi serta jumlah atensi yang sama secara konstan terus menerus, namun secara gak sadar mereka yang demanding itu sudah menjadi dependen, dan sudah pasti pasangannya menjadi objek dependensi. Pada akhirnya ketika terjadi penurunan frekuensi pemberian atensi, dia menjadi cemas, berujung sedih, murung, atau bisa jadi marah, karena kebutuhannya akan perhatian kurang memenuhi keinginannya.

Beberapa hal lain yang sering terlihat adalah dependensi seorang wanita untuk dijemput oleh pasangannya, atau dependensi seorang pria terhadap wanita dalam hal urusan rumah tangga. Menurut gue pribadi, permintaan akan sesuatu untuk sekali atau dua kali mungkin masih wajar, meskipun penilaian taraf kewajaran merupakan hal yang subjektif. Tapi kalau itu menjadi suatu kebiasaan, bukankah itu menjadi perilaku dependen? Jika memang pria berkomitmen untuk menjemput, dan wanita berkomitmen untuk mengurus rumah tangga, maka dependensi bukan menjadi masalah. Karena komitmen dan dependensi adalah 2 hal yang berbeda.

Sama halnya dengan kehadiran Asisten Rumah Tangga (ART), mereka memang punya komitmen untuk mengurus rumah, mulai dari nyapu, ngepel, ngelap, nguras bak mandi, ngosek kamar mandi, dan hal lain yang menjadi tugasnya di rumah. Namun, kehadiran ART bisa menjadi objek dependensi majikannya. Efek dependensi terhadap ART biasanya terlihat saat lebaran, semua ART mudik ke kampung halaman, lalu majikan kebingungan untuk melaksanakan pekerjaan rumah tangga. Padahal di sisi lain, kehadiran ART dapat membantu kita untuk belajar mengurus rumah tangga sendiri. Tetapi semua kembali lagi ke pribadi masing-masing, setiap orang punya kebijakan masing-masing dalam menyikapi hadirnya ART.

Biasanya, setelah objek dependensi sudah tidak ada, terjadi fase penyesuaian atau adaptasi. Jika tidak bisa beradaptasi selama 6 bulan, hal ini bisa disebut sebagai Gangguan Penyesuaian sesuai dengan buku PPDGJ-3. Kalau setelah 6 bulan masih tidak bisa beradaptasi juga, ujungnya bisa ke Generalized Anxiety Disorder (Gangguan Cemas Menyeluruh) atau bisa juga menjadi Gangguan Depresi. Mungkin Gangguan Jiwa yang lainnya yang berefek dari Kepribadian Dependen akan gue bahas di post selanjutnya.


Setelah mempelajari sedikit demi sedikit mengenai kepribadian dependen, pada akhirnya gue sadar bahwa menjadi independen itu menyenangkan. Kita gak perlu bergantung kepada orang lain untuk mengantar kesana kemari, gak perlu bergantung kepada siapapun dalam mengurus rumah (nyapu, ngepel, ngelap, ngurus mobil, ngosek kamar mandi), serta gak perlu bergantung untuk atensi dan afeksi, karena pada akhirnya gue sadar kalau dukungan moril paling besar datangnya adalah dari dalam diri kita sendiri.


Sekian dulu ulasan kali ini tentang kepribadian dependen, semoga bermanfaat untuk teman-teman semuanya, terutama untuk gue pribadi.


And, thank you for visiting my blog!


December, 14th 2016
Sincerely,



-Azmeirina-

Personality Disorder? Is it even real?

Halo teman-teman!


Seperti yang sudah dijanjikan sebelumnya, gue akan mengulik sedikit tentang medical thingy. Post gue kedepannya mungkin gak melulu tentang poems atau random thoughts (malu ih udah kepala 2 masih aja mikirnya random). Berhubung gue kuliah di bidang kedokteran, gue rasa kenapa gak sekalian aja gue berbagi tentang beberapa hal mengenai kesehatan sesuai dengan apa yang gue pelajari. Lalu, apa aja sih yang akan di bahas? Nah, gue sekarang sedang mempelajari tentang Neuro-Behaviour System yang membahas tentang Saraf (Neurologi) dan Kejiwaan (Psikiatri), yang menarik adalah ternyata ilmu Kejiwaan (Psikiatri) sangat berpengaruh terhadap kehidupan sehari-hari. Ilmu Psikiatri mempelajari tentang kepribadian dan mood seseorang, gerak-geriknya, bahkan tentang bagaimana seseorang berbicara. Seru ya!

Mungkin kedepannya gue akan membahas bidang yang lain juga, gak hanya gangguan Psikiatri aja. Tapi yang saat ini ingin gue bahas adalah beberapa gangguan Psikiatri yang sangat sering kita jumpai, bahkan mungkin pernah kita alami secara tidak sadar dalam kehidupan sehari-hari. Beberapa gangguan juga baru gue ketahui setelah mempelajari beberapa buku ajar Pskiatri, dan gue juga kaget ternyata banyak juga gangguan Psikiatri (banyak banget yang dipelajari). Selain itu juga ada banyak gangguan psikiatri yang sering gue liat sehari-hari, bahkan ada yang pernah gue alami sendiri.

Maka dari itu, gue terinspirasi untuk bisa berbagi melalui blog ini tentang beberapa hal mengenai gangguan Psikiatri. Insya Allah pembahasannya gak akan terlalu formal, akan gue usahakan untuk menyertakan contohnya dalam kehidupan supaya lebih mudah dipahami, tapi akan tetap gue sampaikan dengan beberapa dasar ilmiah yang gue pelajari dari text book dan jurnal. Semoga apapun yang tertulis di blog ini bisa bermanfaat untuk teman-teman, terutama untuk gue sendiri.



Thank you!



December, 13th 2016
Sincerely,


-Azmeirina-

Medical Talks???

Helloooo guyss!

How are youuu? Are you goooodd?


Well, I'm now on my 5th semester of pre-clinic (wish me luck for my thesis please), and I'd like to write and share some medical thingy to you that relates to our daily activity, actually inspired by each disorders that I've learned in my class. Sooo currently I'm studying about psychiatry and it has a lot of things (disorders and etc) that really taught me about our personality or even about the way we talk. It somehow motivates me to share somethings about psychiatry that we often meet, feel, or see in real life. I guess being a psychiatrist is fun because they know well about other's personality or even disorder just by learning other's gesture, mood, and things that related to it.


So I'll start writing about medical talks on the next post (maybe not right after this post if only I'm too lazy for a formal kinda post). If you have something to ask about health or medicine, just leave a comment here and I'll try my best to answer your questions. Or just chat me if you have my contact :P I promise you I'll answer each questions.

And I guess I'm gonna use Bahasa when it comes to any kind of medical talks :))))


Thank you anyway!



Sincerely
December, 13th 2016


-Azmeirina-

The Journey of 2016

Hello, reader(s)!

I came on blogging againnn after months of hiatus, and I guess I wanna share about what was going on my life through 2016, knowing that we are now walking on the last pages of the year.... yashhh it's already December! So, why not to share something about this year? :P

First of all, 2016 has been one of the most up-and-down kinda year for me. (Do I always said "this year has been the most up-and-down kinda year for me" like every year? Wqwqwq) But this year, is really one of the most experiencing year, the happiest year, maybe one of the busiest year, but not the saddest one I guess. I've got soooo many things to be learned and remembered in 2016 about organizations, environments, social acts, holidays, friendships, family life, medical lyfe as usual, love life also, and last but not least is about myself.

Last year, I decided to join some organizations without thinking what's the real meaning of it and its orientation. 2 of them were not really helping me on finding its orientation, they were only looking for youth development and empowerment but they don't know what's their own focuses. So I didn't put myself involved too far with them, I just came to them when they hold a social act or social event.

Then I joined other organizations, it works on environmental issues, and somehow it has something related to my medical life. When they discussed about pollution for example, I tried to find "what would happened if pollutant affects the lung?" or the other medical relation from every environmental issues. I found it was fun, really really fun. I enjoyed whenever they hold a group discussion until doing some research and make it related to some medical things.

I also joined a community, which taught poor and marginal children both in academic and non academic every Sunday noon. The children loves us, they keep on hugging and smiling whenever we came to the class to teach them.



For holiday kinda thing, I went to Jogjakarta last February. It wuz really wonderful. I went there alone, actually attending a NGO's National Meeting, but I came 3 days earlier so I have the whole 3 days for exploring Jogjakarta, all by myself. From Jakarta to Jogja by train, from the train station to the hotel by Go-Jek, from the hotel to another place by public transport, until 4 hours of walking-jogging-semi hiking from Sentolo to Kulonprogo. Well, I've planned a holiday to Jogjakarta next year but still haven't got the permit yet. Fyuhhh.



This year I met a lot of new people, got new experiences, gained more knowledge, and overall this year is better than 2015. About this year's love life I guess mine was sucks but it doesn't really bad tho. I learned a lot about how to accept and respect others the way they are and keep on striving and being patient even tho they didn't do the same. At first I thought it's gonna be the most rock-solid one, but God with His own way showed me that it wasn't. Well, we both were very opened to each other, about every single thing. Not because both of us forced or asked for it, but because both of us found our comfort zone, definitely in ours. Love, trust, faith, and honesty had just been there. We talked like best friends, listened to the same music, laughed at the same stupid jokes, yet we fought like the other couple. When it came to the good times, it was one of the most comfortable-enjoyable-lovable-unforgettable times in my life. But when it came to the bad times, it felt like it was one of the most sucks-irritating-unforgettable and the worst relationship I've ever had.

I knew every relationship has its good and bad times, so does mine. Everything went well, I might say it was perfect if only 99.8 was counted as 100. But after all those times, I have to go out from my comfort zone. When it came to the end, it was saddening and fed me up at first, yet it was the best decided I made that time because even tho I couldn't make the good times back again to me, at least I don't have to feel the bad ones, right?


Everything happened for a reason, and I believe God has prepared something much better than I expected.



December, 13th 2016
Sincerely,


-Azmeirina-

Kota Tua

Aku berkelana ke kota tua
Melewati senja hanya berdua
Bercerita tentang segala apa
Menikmati malam yang tanpa arah
Meski hati pun tetap satu arah.

A//

July, 16th 2016

-Azmeirina-

Life.

Do you ever wonder about having the worst point in your life? I guess everybody must have wondered about it, or maybe felt those kinda worst point that you can call it such a nightmare.

For me personally, walking throughout the "nightmare" of my life has been one of the most wonderful journeys I ever done. When I was younger, I often thought that I'm a bad person (well, sometimes I'm still thinking that I'm bad thou)  and probably got jealous with some of my friends or family when they can reach or have what they want, at the same time it was so hard for me to have what I want. I called myself the poor girl who couldn't have what she wants.

But as I grow up, I start to think that I'm not poor at all. I need to struggle, fight, pull my effort to the limit, to reach or have what I had been dreaming of. With every single thing I had done with it, I feel rich with experiences. Ever since that time, I knew that every problem, nightmare, lowest point, is something that gonna makes me richer than before, because there is always something better behind something we called "the worst".

You know? God has prepared something much better than we expected. So whenever we got problems, all we have to do are try to solve the problems, and always be grateful of everything. I'm pretty sure after we do those 2 steps above, we gonna live happily ever after.

Ka, - Ku, - Ki

Ketika surya membakar peluh,

Aku tersenyum.

Aku tahu ini cara-Nya membuatku bersyukur,

Meski penat pun lelah

Ketika angin membawa senja,

Aku terhenyuh.

Aku tahu ini berkah dari-Nya, untukku tetap bersyukur,

Meski tak lagi dirasa hangat

Ketika sabit mengganti hari,

Aku terpaku.

Aku yakin ini jawaban-Nya, kata-Nya ini baik.

Meski esok tak akan sama lagi.

A//
July, 16th 2016
-Azmeirina-

Rasa

Sejak kapan rasa itu ada.

Sejak saat itu.

Lalu kapan rasa itu hilang.

Ketika kita menghendakinya pergi.

Mind and Soul

"Surtout, pense pas de mal de moi de mon romantisme. T'aimer, si fort toujours si lain dans la folie tu vois" 

Touchfull Story

This is from my tumblr, and this story inspired me a lot about the difference between bored and got-no-feeling.

Married or not you should read this…


“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up

Bbbbbbback!

Hello people! back again with me Aisya after years I wasn't blogging and from now on I'm gonna blogging again to share my feelings, thoughts, or anything that I wanna write here. This year, I moved into another university because this is what I was dreaming of: Being a medical student. I can't be any happier than this because I'm getting closer and closer to reach my dreams. 

Uhm well, talking about my blog, sometimes my writings are in English, sometimes in Indonesian. So welcome back again to my blog! People are free to judge, but remember, God is the only one who knows every single thing. Adios!

-Azmeirina (Aisya)-

Future

You-Ady-Ash-Me

:)

Pachelbel's Canon

1. Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Family Reunion - Blink 182 (reuni keluarga...? hahaha)

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Afterlife - Avenged Sevenfold (......oke)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Lucky - Jason Mraz

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
When You Love Someone - Endah n Rhesa

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Spain - Chick Corea

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Love Drunk - Boys Like Girls (kobam cinta -_-)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Thanks For The Memories - Fall Out Boy (galau ~_~)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Friends - Depapepe

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Kiss Me - New Found Glory (......?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Harder Than You Know - Escape The Fate (wakakaka bolee2)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy (ehem~ hahaha)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Here (In Your Arms) - Hellogoodbye (unyuuh.......... hahaha)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Dance Inside - The All American Rejects

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
All Messed Up - Sum 41

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
OMG - Usher (hem............HAHAHA)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
The Swiss Army Romance - Dashboard Confessional

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Forget About Love - Aladdin

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
You Give Me Something - James Morrison (teman yang baik :p)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Firasat - Marcell

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word - Kenny G (hmm boleeee)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Digital Love - Daft Punk (cinta digital........udah kyk jam aja ada yg digital -_-)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Derau dan Kesalahan - The Trees And The Wild ( B) )

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Homesick - Kings Of Convenience (mati gara2 kangen keluarga? HAHAHA)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
To Be With You - Mr. Big (woaah unyuuuu)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
she's out of my life - josh groban (astaghfirullah -_-)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
On Bended Knee - Boys II Men (.........?)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
The Beast And The Harlot - Avenged Sevenfold (Y)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
The Way You Look At Me - Christian Bautista

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Pachelbel's Canon - Depapepe

So people! I'm gonna tell you something funny yet unbelievable. Still remember about my story entitled "mimpi buruk?" can you guess who was the one on the story? That was Adam! Hahahahaha gue sendiri ngga percaya sumpah deh, gue mimpiin dia waktu gue masih tahun pertama SMP dan pas di tahun kedua SMP malah jadian beneran... tapi trus sempet putus dan sekarang balikan lagi hahaha maaf yah dam you were my nightmare :( sebenernya cuma mau share sedikit aja sih soal arti dari sebuah mimpi, kadang kita ngga nyangka kalau mimpi itu sebagai suatu pertanda.. gue sendiri juga ngga nyangka gitu bisa kejadian. bahkan asal mula gue kenalan sama adam cuma karena adam ulang tahun trus gue ngucapin happy birthday di msn....udah. se-simple itu.

Hidup tuh lucu ya, yakin aja segala sesuatunya emang udah direncanain sama Tuhan.

Xoxo, Azmeirina

Astuti :')

HAHAHAHAHA LOL

Co-Star B)

Hidup bagai balerina :')